Have you ever wanted to be just a little bit evil? I don’t mean like robbing a store or something real world bad, but fantastically evil. I have henchman evil.
Maybe it’s just my dramatic side, but there are a few evil folks I would shank a flying monkey to spend a day in their non-ruby shoes.
The first one is easy for me: The Wicked Witch of the West. I adore her. I want to be her sans melting into oblivion. I love her so much that when I got to play her in The Wizard of Oz it kicked all other roles out of the race for most fun had on stage.
Being evil is fun. It’s not just the cackle or having wicked flying monkeys to do your bidding. There’s something satisfying in staring down the person everyone is supposed to be rooting for and saying, “Over my dead body, goody two shoes!” Unfortunately, the good guys usually do end up stepping over your dead body on the way to success, but hey, you had fun while you were alive.
Also, not to kill my own point, but is the Wicked Witch of the West really evil at all? I don’t mean isn’t the book/musical Wicked right about our dear green lady. I mean really think about it. A weird girl comes in and kills your sister. There is one thing that you want from your departed sister, and the murderer takes it? Then she comes after you to kill you and steal your thing? Dorothy might really be the bad guy in Oz.
Next up: Malificent. I love her. She has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. But that voice, that hat! She oozes power and control. It’s actually pretty sexy. And then she turns into a dragon! A freaking dragon! Who cares about talking dragons when you can be a fire breathing dragon!
And the White Witch in Narnia. Okay, so the cold might get old. But the grace, the poise, the army of evil animals to do her bidding. And if she needs a break, she can just climb back up into her sleigh and eat Turkish delight!
Of course, things end badly for all three witchy women, but think of their shining moments of evil. Great battles where no man comes to their rescue! They stand at the front of the battle and cry for blood! It’s brilliant!
Of course, there are good women who are also badasses. The Black Widow is awesome. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is great.
But I watch Buffy, and I really just want to be pre-niceness Spike. I want to ride around in a car with black-painted windows and cause chaos.
Or I could be the Darkling from the Grisha Trilogy. He’s sexy, powerful, has an amazing carriage to ride around being evil in. He causes chaos like he’s making tea, and I love it.
I guess in the end, the real question is do you want to be a bad guy who dies fighting for darkness and evil. Okay, so there are a ton of moral questions stuck in there, too, but we’re going to pretend that morality and conscience don’t matter for a second.
I like bad guys who believe in their evil cause with such conviction that they are willing to suffer a horrible death at the hands of the hero just for a chance at success. Even if that cause is only ruling the kingdom or getting back some stolen shoes. And if you get a sweet ride or some awesome animal henchman, all the better.
Sometimes you just get the itch to be a witch.