Advice Cat Addresses the AudienceIt’s a shame not to share my wisdom and cuteness with as many people as possible.

Mail your questions to catfoodbreath@gmail.com.

If I’m awake, I’ll read them.

For now, here’s my latest batch of reader comments:

Dear CFB: Why won’t my kitty eat two flavors of food served on the same dish?

Dear Cat Staff: Your kitty is letting you know that he wants four foods served on four dishes.

That’s a minimum.

Think “Vegas buffet” and you’re on the right track.

Dear CFB: My two cats don’t get along. Should I get rid of one?

Dear human: NEVER get rid of a cat. Buy a second home instead.

Dear CFB: Is it true that a cat knows when he has had enough to eat?

Dear kitchen staff: One can never have enough sushi or Fancy Feast.  There’s no such thing as “enough to eat.”

Dear CFB: My humans have two dogs. TWO!!! How do I dispose of them?

Dear Cat: eBay has a policy against selling live animals on their site.  I suggest using your local classified ads and letting them outside with “Free Dog” signs taped to their fur.

Dear CFB: Why are you so wise?

Dear CFB Fan: It’s a trifecta:

  1. Cute
  2. Intelligent
  3. Furry

It just happens sometimes, especially in cats.

Dear CFB:  My kitty wakes me up early for breakfast.  What can I do?

Dear Sleepyhead:  If you had a cat-pleasing Vegas-style buffet in your kitchen 24/7, this would not be a problem.

Dear CFB: How do I convince my cats I really am vegetarian and not scheming to steal their food?

Dear Tofu Lover: Cats never trust vegetarians.

Dear CFB: Do you think you will go to kitty heaven?

Dear Cat: All cats go to heaven.  They are flawless.  God likes cats.

Dear CFB: Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?

Dear Perky: Why would anyone get out of bed in the morning?  This question makes no sense.

Dear CFB: Why do my cats get in the way of the food bowl while I’m putting it on the floor?

Dear Buffet Staff: You’ve seen the flag crew guiding traffic? Same thing.  They want to make sure you get it in the correct place.

Dear CFB:  Why do my cats ignore the food they used to like?

Dear Chef:  You obviously did not put out enough flavors. Think “Vegas buffet.”

Dear CFB:  What is the optimal height to use when pouncing on someone to wake them up?

Dear Alarm Cat:  It depends on how squishy your target is.

Dear CFB:  What does it mean when a black cat crosses my path?

Dear Superstitious:  It means the kitty is going somewhere.



About the Author

Cat Food Breath
Cat Food Breath
It's all about me. I am a 17 pound cat with a sushi habit. I’m fabulous …. what more does anyone need to know? As a Siamese, I am talkative, intelligent, extroverted, brave, funny, clever, and good at math. I'm an expert food critic, yoga instructor, relaxation consultant, and fur re-locator, but my full time avocation involves trying to get rid of the dog. I am polydactyl, hence the exceptional keyboard skills, and very literate, having napped on many comfortable books, magazines, and newspapers. I sleep a lot. If you are reading this, you have excellent taste in cats. Read even more at catfoodbreath.com.
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