January 1 is the traditional time to look ahead and make commitments to some type of lasting change.
As someone wise once said, a New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
As the wisest creature in our household, I have compiled lists of resolutions that will fulfill everyone’s best interests.
Resolutions for the Labradumb:
- Spend more time outdoors.
- Travel more.
- Meet new people and try living in their homes.
- Go away.
- Ask for more rides in the car.
- Practice “play dead” skill more frequently.
- Avoid the cat for long periods of time.
- Take much longer walks.
- Train (outdoors) for a marathon.
Resolutions for Things One and Two:
- Sit more.
- Buy electric blankets for every room in the house.
- Create squishier laps.
- Increase fitness levels by hauling cases of cat food and bales of catnip home.
- Invest in more pillows.
- Eat more chicken and sushi, making sure to practice the ancient meditation/diet ritual of offering your entire meal to your cat.
- Develop feng shui by leaving small crystal bowls of cream and eggnog on the floor.
- Save money by cancelling events outside the house and stay home to pet the kitty.
Resolutions for Me:
Frankly, since I’m perfect, there isn’t anything I would want to change.
In 2012, I do hope to achieve a personal best in the following categories:
- Longest Nap
- Cutest Pose
- Most Fan Mail
Resolutions for All Readers:
- Hug your cat more.
- Send me fan mail.
Wishing you all a dog-free 2012! Happy New Year!
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll take a cup of warm cream yet,
(and a plate of sushi and some chicken livers)
for auld lang syne.