Hello. Death here. While the job of guiding the recently deceased souls of human-kind through the afterlife is a time consuming job I still find myself wanting to do more. I tried parasailing. Didn’t like it. It made my robe flap about entirely too much. I attempted gourmet cooking but then realized I don’t eat. I tried my hand at counted cross-stitch but frankly it was mind numbing.
Something I hear from the recently deceased often is ‘why me?’ And then when I don’t have a straight answer (because there isn’t one) they launch into a myriad of complaints and questions about their life, and how they didn’t do this, they could’ve done that, etc. Answering such questions after they’ve snuffed it is pointless.
So I’ve decided to start a ‘DEAR DEATH’ column where you humans can ask your questions before you expire. Trouble with your love life? Hate your job? Want to get in shape but don’t know how? Want to better yourself but don’t know where to start? Feel free to ask anything. Bring me your problems, your queries, concerns, and I’ll do my very best to give helpful answers. Failure to like my answers will result in your immediate and very timely death.
Just kidding. I know, I’m a hoot.
(aka. The Angel of Death
aka. The Grim Reaper
aka. Death Incarnate
aka. That Guy in the Dark Robe)
Please send your your letters to Death to email@example.com with “Dear Death” in the subject line. Suitable letters will be anonymously published as part of a semi-weekly Dear Death column on the CQ blog.
From the Bahamas to Heathrow airport, to the rain soaked streets of London the dead have ceased dying.
This is inconvenient for a number of reasons but what’s the real reason behind the chaos?
In London we find Nigel Reinhardt to be a disgraced, confused, and gifted London police constable who owns a prophetic goldfish. When the Devil hatches a nefarious plot to take over the world by possessing a cute little kitty and seizing a factory of robotic Christmas elves, it’s up to Nigel and a group of unlikely companions to save the world or die trying… or both.