Cat Food BreathNormally, we members of the Curiosity Quills Press team busy ourselves with mundane and unenlightened endeavors like web development, SEO, editing, and publishing. In the eyes of our latest guest, all these things are a waste of time, to be relegated to lesser beings (like dogs).

Meet Cat Food Breath, a 17-pound Siamese representative of the cat species, with an expensive sushi habit. Cat Food Breath, or just “CFB”, besides being a Twitter VIP, is now our new special columnist – stay tuned for the launch of her dedicated soapbox (or, litterbox, as the case may be).

And how many blogs can boast of having a resident feline? :)

CQ:  Many humans (and undoubtedly, most cats) desire a soapbox to make their voices heard, though a good majority never quite succeed in building it up. Clearly, you are not among these. Could you tell us what prompted you to take to Twitter, and how you have come to enjoy such tremendous reach and success among your homo sapiens audience?

CFB: I went online one day in order to sell the dog on eBay, and I found Twitter. I was intrigued by the logo, and signed up. I admit I first thought the site was about bird snacks, but I quickly found that composing 140 characters is the perfect amount of work to aim for between naps.  Why am I so popular?  Well, I’m adorable, smart, and everything I write is just fantastic.  Obviously, Twitter users are capable of recognizing superb quality and cuteness when they see it. 

CQ:  In addition to the humble human, you have many cat followers as well. How does it feel to be an inspiration to litters of future Tweeps (or is that Meowps?)

CFB: I know I’m way above average.  It’s great that everyone else does, too.  If I can help just one cat blame something on a dog, I know I will have made a difference.  

CQ:  Speaking of litters, pardon the immodest question but does your catness travel in mutual orbit with another, or like a very self-contained star, is destined to shine alone?

CFB: I understand that my humans are best able to appreciate me without the distractions of other cats.  I mean, can you imagine life with double the catfoodbreath? 

CQ:  Your opinion of canine intelligence and wit is well known, but have you ever encountered an individual that’s an exception to the rule? How did you react? 

CFB: I believe all animals are gifted, but our dog has not yet opened his present.  I watch many other dogs as they walk by my window, and I haven’t seen any glimmer of hope for the species there.  Many of my naps happen in front of the television, and recently I slept through the movie Up.  The dog in that movie said “My name is Dug. I have just met you, and I love you.”  That seemed like a very normal reaction for anyone, of any species, that has just found me.

CQ:  Is 140 characters enough to contain you? We have recently come upon a Twitter alternative called Woofer, letting users “woof” no less than 1,400 characters at a time. What is the feline take on this wordy and possibly canine-created/inspired thingamajig? 

CFB: Crazy canines.

CQ:  You mentioned you are a Klout-rated expert in healthy living and exercise. What advice would you give your fellow cats? What about their humans?

CFB: I take health and fitness very seriously.  As a matter of fact, I just finished a three hour nap on the yoga mat, and have a snooze on a sweatshirt scheduled for this afternoon.  But a good life is all about balance.  Between naps, I do a full set of body rearranging and stretching.  I have a busy professional life in relocation and sales, trying to find the dog a new home.  As a creative outlet, I am a wardrobe consultant for my humans, which means dedicated napping on fashion magazines and shedding on a variety of outfits.  I refuel as often as possible with food from small, expensive cans. 

CQ:  ICanHazCheezburger.com: deeply meaningful look into the importance of cats, or exploitative schlock?

CFB: Investors paid about $2 million for icanhazcheezburger.com in 2007.  That’s a lot of Fancy Feast.  My website is catfoodbreath.com, and I can be exploited for some number in the 7+figure range.  Make me an offer. 

CQ:  Keyboard cat: unsung feline artiste, or misguided squanderer of precious naptimes? Any words you’d like to add in his passing?

CFB: Every cat should have a hobby.  Piano’s not my thing, but I would like that fame and fortune.  Cats love attention, and I am no exception.

CQ:  Speaking of the YouTube phenomenon, have you thought of taking it to the airwaves (or the digital waves, as the case may be)? 

CFB: After napping for 21 hours a day, I have precious little time left.  On the other hand, I am very photogenic….

CQ:  Finally, what’s next on your plate? Both literally, and figuratively.

CFB: Chicken and Liver Feast, and the launch of my new blog/website.  Now there’s even more Catfoodbreath to love, literally and figuratively.

So there you have it, folks. Straight from the cat’s meow to your ears. Er, eyes. Whatever.

Expect more Cat Food Breath on the Curiosity Quills menu – in small, expensive cans, of course.

Cat Food BreathIt’s all about me.  I am a 17 pound cat with a sushi habit.  I’m fabulous …. what more does anyone need to know?  As a Siamese, I am talkative, intelligent, extroverted, brave, funny, clever, and good at math.  I’m an expert food critic, yoga instructor, relaxation consultant, and fur re-locator, but my full time avocation involves trying to get rid of the dog.  I am polydactyl, hence the exceptional keyboard skills, and very literate, having napped on many comfortable books, magazines, and newspapers.  I sleep a lot.  If you are reading this, you have excellent taste in cats.  Read even more at catfoodbreath.com.



About the Author

Lisa Gus
I am… a mother, a wife, a daughter, a granddaughter, a slave to a very persnickety cat, a writer, a foodie, a shoe hoarder, a people watcher, a conservationist, a screenwriter, a reluctant (but apparently prolific) blogger... So who am I, really? Still figuring that one out. Update as I go along ;-)
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