Renowned for her trademark pouf hairstyle, petite stature and sensational dance moves, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is the standout star of MTV’s The Jersey Shore.
After admitting to only ever owning two books in her lifetime (and failing to finish colouring either of them) Snooki is now a New York Times bestselling author.
All hail to her publishers, Simon & Shuster! Here’s my review of this literary landmark.
Shore Thing by Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi
Gallery Books (a Division of Simon & Shuster) 2011
I used to think I was an atheist but after reading Shore Thing I realised there IS a literary God, looking protectively down over us all.
Shore Thing tells the story of Gia and Bella, two adolescent but hot-blooded cousins who set off for New Jersey and the seaside holiday of their lives. A heroine called Bella? Now there’s a stroke of genius!
But Gia is the real heroine after rescuing a shark on the beach, instantly transforming herself into a local celebrity. A mere mortal such as Steven Spielberg could only muster a more trite and mundane storyline, portraying the shark as the bad guy. But anyway, Gia’s new-found fame catapults her into the arms of Frank Rossi, a tempestuous Mediterranean firefighter (a type rarely encountered in romantic literature.)
I read this book in one sitting, after which I immediately set fire to my collection of Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Blake, Austen and Dickens. Move aside, ye imposters!
With Shore Thing I reached literary nirvana. The story finally helped me to understand teenage angst, the meaning of life and the infinite secrets of the universe. When Gia and Frank finally consummate their love atop the ephemeral debris of human frailty I realized there is no purpose in anyone putting pen to paper ever again.
Next time someone says to me: “I’m a New York Times bestselling author, don’t you know?” I’ll say: “Oh yeah, do you mean like Snooki?”
I now have a tattoo of Snooki on my left breast and I will spend the rest of my life spreading the gospel of this divine laureate. The literary novel has been definitively reinvented.
Simon & Shuster, I salute you!