Human triathletes waste their time with very vigorous activities. It’s shocking how they attempt to go from one segment to the next without a single nap, or even a lay-down. Cats have taken the best parts of the triathlon and perfected this sport for the Feline Olympics.
Despite the appearance of the triathlon in the last 30 Feline Olympics, FOC officials have yet to settle on the exact composition of the event. While humans limit themselves to swimming, biking, and running, cats may choose from a variety of endurance sports.
A competitor chooses any three of the following sports and combines them for a personalized triathlon:
- staring at the wall
- looking cute
- lap sitting
- blocking use of computer, newspaper, or book
- curtain climbing
- lying on a pillow, blanket, or sweater
- cat tree climbing
- looking out the window
- feather, string, or catnip toy chase
- annoying the dog
- securing the couch cushions
Triathletes are all-round competitors. This is not a sport for amateurs. Winners display discipline and exceptional reserves of stamina. Each competitor must complete all three endurance activities in a single 48-hour period, with a minimum two hour nap between activities.
My own personal triathlon plan looks something like this:
- Open with a strong Sleep segment. Aim to be well-rested at the end of the sleep. Ease in to the transition zone with a quick stretch, and be very relaxed for the compulsory two-hour nap.
- After the nap, I like to work in a grooming session to be fully prepared for my second stage, Looking Cute. Sometimes, I fall asleep during this part of event. I plan time to refuel and rehydrate before the second compulsory two-hour nap.
- I like to choose Lie on a Blanket for my final stage, since I’m usually pretty tired this late in to the event, and I need to preserve my energy stores. By the time I finish that last compulsory two-hour nap, I’m exhausted.
My own personal best for the triathlon? 47.2 hours. I know, that’s spectacular.